How to overcome virtual social anxiety

No commute required, no need to get fully ready in the morning outside of putting on a nice top, doing your hair and looking presentable from the chest up right? It’s all great until that feeling of discomfort washes over your body. You suddenly feel fixated on the little box that shows your face. So why is it that the anxiety of raising your hand still comes up virtually? Or when you’re in a work meeting and you feel choked up when you want to say something? That discomfort you feel could very well be virtual social anxiety or (VSA) for short; a term I coined just now while writing this and is in no way an actual diagnosis. But bear with me for a second while we think through the concept of VSA.

Social anxiety is the fear of being judged or evaluated by others in a negative way. Now given our current state, there are plenty of reasons to feel anxious. For starters, working from home, dealing with a pandemic and still trying to hold onto some sort of normal is pretty anxiety provoking some would say. People have lost so much during this time, one being their jobs.. and because you’re aware of this, the anxious thought of “what if I lose mine? pops in your head intrusively. So now our anxious voice is telling you that you have to prove yourself in order to ensure job security. So what does that mean or look like for you? Speaking up during meetings? Being productive each and every day? That’s a lot of pressure for one person. Think about being a student and feeling overwhelmed by the idea that everyone in the class is looking directly at you. Then you struggle to speak up but feel pressured to in order to get participation points. These points are important now that classes have been changed to pass/fail, but no pressure. That thought spiral could cause virtual social anxiety. If you can relate in any way or know someone who does, here are some tips to help with VSA:

• Challenge your mentality

  • In order to do this, you have to first be able to notice the negative thought (or thoughts) that is driving this fear. Next, you will start to question these negative thoughts (how do you even know that what you fear will even happen?). Allow yourself to also sit with the idea that the fear could in fact come true. Allow your future self to deal with it if and when it happens rather than doubting your ability to get through the situation in the moment. Lastly, ask yourself if you’re engaging in any negative thinking patterns and work to restructure those thoughts in a more realistic way.

• Focus your attention on others

  • Focusing on others allows you to disengage with the thoughts in your head and engage in the present moment. Remember, chances are others in your meeting or class are experiencing similar feelings or have experienced them at some point in time.

• Practice speaking up

  • While avoiding your fears brings short term relief, facing them keeps them away long term. At your own pace, start dipping your toe into some of your fears. Raise your hand to ask a simple question or comment on something someone says. Regardless of what you do, no one is expecting you to be perfect, remember that.

• Repetition

  • Our brain learns best with repetition, so keep practicing the skills above. The process of this repetition is called habituation, so keep implementing ways (big or small ) to speak up during meetings or classes. Eventually, your brain won’t associate speaking up as such a scary thought. Think of habituation as jumping into a cold pool, at first, your body is freezing, then with time, your body temperature adjusts to the water and it begins to feels more comfortable.

Be Well & Stay Grounded.